Tuesday, July 15, 2014

Another one of those nights...

...Where I'm reminded of how much my mother irritates the hell out of me. I'm not going to go into the details of my life story, but I'm not a firm believer of being respectful to my parents no matter what happens. Yes, you should be respectful to people in general, but I'm not going to take it if I'm being completely trashed. If my personality is a bit fucked up, it's probably because of her or because I learned it from her. They say that children learn from the actions of their parents, don't they? If I don't have as much respect as I should, it's probably because I find it hard to show respect to someone who completely shits on me and blames me for everything and anything. Like, the world's problems are probably my fault. 

Oh yeah. While I'm on the topic (sorta), for the past 5+ years, I'm quite proud that I don't ask for any money and am a bit financially independent. I admit that I'm being housed and she cooks and whatever. I know I'm not the only one out there that depends on themselves, and there's people paying their own bills and whatnot, but for my extent, I'm proud. She doesn't buy me anything (not that I'm complaining), so I pay for my own things and I'm the one who pays for my tuition. When I go on trips, I spend my own money. Etc, etc. 

But last January, I stopped working and she started to give me an allowance every month. Even though I never spent any of it, it made me feel like I'm less independent and now that I think about it, why didn't I just refuse it if I'm not going to spend it?! Anyways, after getting into an argument with her last night, I gave it all back to her. Err, I wish I knew an exact amount, but I kind of just (over?) estimated. It's because I'm nitpicky with details, not because I feel like I'm at a loss. Even though I am a lot poorer, at the same time I feel relieved, as if independent again. I'm sure the thing will blow over soon and I only gave the money back because it was an in the moment thing, and I might regret it, but I shouldn't because it wasn't even mine to begin with. 

Hopefully, the next post won't be as dramatic. Until next time!

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